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Archive for July, 2009

so sad i can’t breathe

July 9, 2009 2 comments

that’s what i feel now. i envy the rhythmic snoring generated by my baby. she’ll cry, feel frustrated sometimes and a bit irritated. but before the day ends she’ll drink her milk, hug her luvie, kiss me good night and she sleeps peacefully without any hint of sadness and discontent. why can’t we stay innocent all our lives, expecting nothing yet wanting everything like a child. i wish i was a child inside a big bubble drinking my milk and holding my luvie as i listen to the music that fills my air. i miss being happy. i miss being satisfied. i miss knowing i am worth the space i consume. i miss living. i want to stop dying. i want to wish my life away. if only i could do that, maybe i’ll find what i’ve been wanting all this time.

Categories: others

into erasing

July 1, 2009 Leave a comment

i’d like to make as many entries as soon as possible in hopes of erasing the previous entries in this blog. well not really erasing as in deleting, just moving them to the next page and away from the main page that opens the blog. in the past, i’d usually simply tear up the old pages of the journal and start off with a new notebook semi-forgetting what i’ve initially documented. but i’d like to think i’m mature enough to withstand the old-er versions of me, well at least i’m attempting to be.

but making new posts requires too much effort and free time – which unfortunately i don’t have much of these days. every time i have time for myself and indulge in my guilty pleasures of tv and movies i can’t help but feel that i’m doing something bad and i’m not being the responsible adult that i should be. yes i deserve the break but it just feels that i don’t really do much work since i’m only raising a daughter by myself (which a million mothers do) and not, well – saving the world from cancer or something as meaningful or a bit more significant. i know i should believe in the meaning of my life but what can i do – i’m just a stay at home mom nearing 30 with weight issues. self-confidence and worth is preceded by groceries and things to do in my life’s list.

at least i’m blogging again. that’s something to be happy about. i even got to change the about me page. congratulate me.

Categories: others