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post that doesn’t deserve a title

June 23, 2007 Leave a comment

so i haven’t posted anything in weeks. neither have i taken pictures for months. i could use the fact that my body is working double-time to create the correct specs for a healthy baby even when i’m simply lying on my back sleeping again (that is what all the 4 books on pregnancy that i have read so far say). But i think the truth to the matter is, i decided to turn myself into a very very VERY lazy pregnant woman. i could be over-speculating and giving myself a hard time, which is debatable if i trully deserve such thoughts. but records speak for itself: i haven’t delivered ANYTHING (no intelligent, creative or locomotive output) for the last 2 months and in anyone’s book – that constitutes LAZINESS.

a few weeks ago marked my 1st year anniversary in Richmond (June 14). my 1 year of being a bum with a 9th floor apartment. my 1 year of living-off my husband’s paycheck. my 1 year of pretending to find something worthwhile to do and convincing myself i’m enjoying it. yes it is too easy to be cynical of things. especially when you wake up every 4 hours to pee.  i am honestly at the opposite disposition in most days – seeing the silver lining in every dark cloud that passes by while enjoying the simplest things in life. then why oh why did i choose to write such contemptuous thoughts on what could be a glorious saturday morning?

they say in works of fiction, good thoughts are boring. irony, pessimism and a little condemnation elates the active reader. and as long as you dash a twist of hope before the story ends, a winning piece would be within your midst.

now where did i last see that twist of hope? could be in the right-side cupboard … or at the far left…

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Categories: others

for everyone

June 12, 2007 2 comments

i can’t suddenly tell you

what i should be telling you,

friend, forgive me; you know

that although you don’t hear my words,

i wasn’t asleep or in tears,

that i’m with you without seeing you

for a good long time and until the end.

i know many may wonder

“what is Pablo doing?” i’m here

if you look for me in this street

you’ll find me with my violin,

prepared to break into a song,

prepared to die.

it is nothing i have to leave to anyone,

not to these others, not to you,

and if you listen well, in the rain, you’ll hear

that i come and go and hang about

and you know that i have to leave.

even if my words don’t know it,

be sure, i’m the one who left.

there is no silence which doesn’t end.

when the moment comes, expect me

and let them all know i’m arriving

in the street, with my violin.

Pablo Neruda

Categories: others

hormones talking

June 10, 2007 3 comments

curse that doctor who labeled the most popular pregnancy-related complication as something that is just experienced in the morning. i am very very sure that stupid doctor was a guy – for he never experienced the simple and undeniable fact that: THE DAMN THING LASTS THE WHOOOLLEEE DDDDAAAAYYYY!!!!!

nausea to the point that you couldn’t walk for more than 10 minutes without holding on to the nearby post or tree, vomiting everything and anything you eat making you feel that hungry pang in your stomach for the rest of the day and of course not forgeting the mind-numbing abdominal cramps and the fatigue without doing anything which is the icing on the cake known as first trimester pregnancy.

clarification: i am not complaining. if by tomorrow i’ll stop experiencing at least one of these complications i would probably be worried sick and start calling my clinic’s hotline pestering the nurses why i did not throw-up the oatmeal i had for breakfast. i would be rushing to the nearest drug store to find myself a pregnancy test kit to check if the baby is still there. it will be a full blown paranoia to the edge of reason – so in a way i am thankful for the all-day dizziness/vomiting/fatigue. 

i hope men will have the chance to experience at least a fraction of how things are in this world of womanhood. weaker sex my pwet!! try inducing labor with unsurmountable physical pain – then tell me who the weaker sex is.

Categories: others