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the affirmation of love

while trying to read this new book i got from the lib, i was semi-watching this oprah special where oscar winners were interviewing each other. they were all paired up:julia and goerge, russel and nicole, sydney and jamie. anyway – there was a question answered by nicole that catched my attention. “would you rather be the giver of love or at the receiving end?” she said that through the years she learned that giving love is easy and it’s the accepting part which is the hardest – so now she’s trying to do that. learning to acknowledge that she is loved by the people she loves.

she’s right. but most of the time i think that despite the conscious yearning to acknowledge this fact, the bigger factor still is if the other person makes YOU feel that you are loved. no amount of self-conditioning could help if doubt has clouded one’s mind. and once that cloud settles in, it won’t be easy to find a way to see around it. it becomes this white elephant that won’t go away – despite of everything.  

i read in an article a few months back written by a wordpress blogger on marriage as an institution which is no longer applicable in the 20th century setting. he had some strong points as well as weak ones. but for me, the real challenge of married life is not how to stay in that euphoric feeling of loving someone – but how to fully trust the person you are with that they love you back – to not doubt that love. to find a way to believe that you are a person that could be loved at the intensity that you are capable of loving others.

to love is one great thing. to trust is another league of its own.

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