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scribbler falling asleep

November 30, 2006 3 comments

one thing that i would probably miss most living here in the US if asked to leave in a time that i don’t want to yet … it’s the wireless connection. before, i enjoyed wireless since i could stay connected for free. but now that we have purchased a router (i love thanksgiving sales…specially if spent in Circuit City), my connection is at an unbelievable peak. yesterday, i didn’t even bother to download studio 60 from nbc’s site – i watched it in their site, without a single interruption. last sunday, i saw grey’s latest episode online since i missed it last thursday. well, i know we have wireless and broadband connection back in manila – but i pay $20/month for mine now … and that includes cable already! sweet ‘ey? i told you, this is one of the few things i will dearly miss … maybe i should be thinking about torrent files?

i can’t sleep. i could use looking for a job as an excuse, but the truth is – everything just feels so unsettled. another plan has been shattered by reality, and depression is again trying to get the best of me. difference now is i have been fighting it, rather than succumbing to its powers – i have somehow adapted. it’s not that i don’t feel depressed anymore, i just try dwell on the “so what? ” more nowadays.

i have semi-completed our itinerary for las vegas. semi-completed ‘cuz i haven’t written down or summarized anything; added sites to my favorites in explorer as well as dog-eared pages in the travel book for nevada that i got. i have second thoughts on taking the grand canyon tours. my initial plan was to drive there – checked the maps, it’s a 5-hour drive from las vegas strip – making the trip cheaper. but my mom is not the most confident driver (if only she will allow me to drive her precious … probably if i had a licence she would) plus she is not sure her car was built for such fatigue. how much is the tour? cheapest i’ve found so far is at $85.99 which includes food and the buses looks good too. anyway, i searched flickr for breath-taking shots of grand canyon to convince me that $85.99 is a cheap price to pay to witness a natural wonder. after about 3 slide shows from different professional photographers, $85.99 still feels expensive. yes i know the seeing it first hand would be a totally different experience … but still, i need a little more convincing.

checked pictured of las vegas too in flickr. HOW I WISH I BOUGHT WIDE-ANGLE LENS LAST THANKSGIVING!!! what if, i’ll buy my wide-angle lens and forget about the grand canyon tour? hhmmm …

i can’t sleep.

i went to the library this afternoon.i had to get another book that i reserved as suggested by a friend, despite the fact that i am truly back-logged; i’m halfway through a brief history of time and haven’t even started on my third book – there i was getting another one. and this i used as an excuse not to go to the gym again. i tried feeling this area at my back, in between the butt and waist, to check if fat has deposited due to my lack of hyper-active locomotor movements for the past 2 weeks. i think i felt a lump there, enough for me to pledge to the gods that no excuse will be provided tomorrow. unless a real reason comes up of course.

we’re watching the nutcracker on dec 15! i need to read about it though before i watch it, for fear that i won’t comprehend the story by simply viewing how the hands and legs of ballet dancers move in randomn (yet heartfelt) motion. granted i don’t have a molecule in my body that understands classical music, why am i spending $15 to watch it? well first, $15 is a small price to pay to see a classic and richmond ballet, they say, is a good group. second, you could never know if this experience will jump-start a devotion for classical music (which is long overdue). third reason, (the most real reason of all) i’d like to take pictures =p. i love taking action shots! i’m sure the lighting in the stage would be spectacular and as per Serioku (the Japanese girl we’re going with), she got really good seats. so i’m looking forward to that …

can’t sleep …

i have the f*&ckn’ SPA for my SMC last paycheck. need to get it notarized tomorrow, then drop it off to the post office together with my mail-in rebates from Circuit City, all delivered as registered mails. need to make sure the netflix envelope is beside francis’ bag when he leaves, or else i won’t be able to watch the 2nd CD to BBC’s Pride and Prejudice by Friday. it’s a good thing he is on his “positive mood” for the past week, lament-free dinners lately have been a blessing. i wonder how long the up-swing will last though.

my brother is dealing with a problem that should not have been his concern if only i had the guts to take care of it before i left. but i’ll make it up to him, i’ll talk to his “offenders” once all the legal steps have been completed. he will probably forgive me soon. but i know i will never forgive myself. i knew details were an option with my mom, but she had to know everything. hopefully things will work-out as planned.

R.E.M. plays imitation of life in my ipod.

i should be sleeping …

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thanksgiving dinner

November 25, 2006 Leave a comment

despite my known addiction to movies, i have managed to somehow outgrow the need to watch the same movie for the nth time. gone are the days that i watch a movie in the silver screen, then again on disc, and  again and again on cable. it’s a crazy habit – and i know only a few people will understand it. anyway, as i’ve said, i’ve matured – somehow.

however, there is a genre where maturity does not have any effect on: family movies. you see, growing up with my family could be a material for those afternoon telanovelas – and i guess this addiction of watching movies was the childhood onset of my well-developed escapist way of life. i don’t have a favorite really, as long as a funny and dysfunctional family with catastrophes up to their nose would end up making me feel all warmed-up inside – i’m hooked for life.

as part of a VCU program, we spent Thankgiving with an american family. and to our luck, it was with the Gainers: Tom, the well-read financial analyst; Susan, the cunning civil engr; MaryJane, eldest art student who could only dream of thinking “scientific” ; MaryRachel, high school junior who woke up one day and realized sneezes were funny; Jack, 10yr old with serious intentions to be a football coach, delivering his minute predictions on the Dallas Cowboy thankgiving game on tv; Jack & Mary, grandparents, writers who were white water rafters in their youth; and long-time family friends bikers Holly & Jack with telephatic daughters Megan & Keily (they just look at each other from across the table and laugh) – who provided most of the amusing stories to the table. i felt like i was part of a movie script, the foreign student who brought banana wrapped in egg roll but suprisingly could speak english very well (maybe i should have pretended i can’t, i wonder what the reactions would be).

i was laughing at their jokes , getting to know their stories:  i was conversing with my characters. it was fun, warm and fuzzy inside, just like in my favorite movies, but different in a way that i will always remember.

on the drive back home, i can’t help but feel that empty space again. the space that has been carved up in the past and will remain hollow for a lifetime; a self-proclaimed spectator with familial contentment.

who wants to watch TNT weekend marathon with me?

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a vacation from life

November 19, 2006 1 comment

as i have repeatedly stated before, not working is a drag. but please understand, i’m not being a “Puzzle” here (remember the donkey in Narnian books?) – who complains and accepts his own foolishness but has never really tried to remedy it. i did try to find work – and was semi-successful at doing so. the biggest cookie company in Richmond, VA wanted me for a market analyst job, (biruin mo, nabola ko ang mga loko…) but the US Immigration just didn’t allow it. “Wait for next year”, they say, as if waiting is something i should be happy about.  There weren’t any commitments given to me for next year, but at least i know there is a chance of success, somehow.

so for the meantime, i have been accustomed to find ways to efficiently waste my time. yes i could go back and be a volunteer – but the way i see it, i owe it to myself to first do the things i have longed to do when i was painstakingly working my ass off in corporate manila. as to my calculations, i should be looking for another job come December 2006 getting ready for the fierce competition for those pricey H1B visas by 2007. so i had 3 more months ( i got the rejection last August, 3 mos after my arrival here) to give myself a break.

so to justify, (to myself, to friends, to others who may find it difficult to understand why i am the way i am right now) i have no intentions to turn this hermit-style of a life as a permanent way of living. 

(i remember when i made the decision to shift from pharmacy to food tech, one of the reasons i did so was because i would like to have the time to read more – thinking food tech was an easier course. well, after a few months of being buried with chemistry, calculus and food science classes, realized that next time i assume something, a little research is essential.)

during those days that i work for 10hours (including birthdays!!), stressed-out to my witts, deliberating while trying to sleep why i am responsible for the things i have assigned myself to be responsible for – i have dreamed of this life!

a life where i wake up by the time my eyes open without hesitations (i haven’t used an alarm clock for the past 5 months, after a lifetime of waking up with one), i reach for my 2nd fave escapist toy (the laptop) while holding my 1st fave (latest book of choice) whom i turn to if the 2nd proves to be a waste of precious lingering moments, after which i plan my experiments for the day, a.k.a. lunch and dinner. in between i watch those mini series that i have missed, i.e. dawson’s, ER, seinfeld; while also enjoying what American cable has to offer to keep up with the pop culture of my time – studio 60 (which i love with all my heart!!), grey’s, top chef, project runway (which i miss..) plus i have successfully thought myself a new hobby (please view flickr page on your right) and is currently trying to adopt one (listening to sidney bechet as he plays his sax for “blue horizon”) … and oh, i almost forgot! i need to plan that trip to the grand canyons …

now that my 3 months of vacation would soon be over, my inner slacker is trying to desperately hold on to the life she has dreamed of for the longest time. but all vacations must end, with a heavy-heart, yes, but also with a sense of accomplishment. i have given myself a break. i may have been forced to the ground to do it, but what matters is i’ve done it. the old “responsible and practical” me will soon take over, in a few weeks at least.

i still have some time left.

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a net addict

November 14, 2006 Leave a comment

as much as i have done this repeatedly, it just feels right to document such an event.

i have been hooked, in one sitting position- slight shift of weight distribution from one side to another considered- in the internet, starting from the time i woke up (which was around 9.30am) until now (time reads: 4.57pm). the day has officially passed without me doing anything more significant than cooking lunch for 2. 

 some may consider this a very disturbing and pathetic habit, but honestly, i actually completed tasks today!  looking at the big white board Francis has posted in our right wall, i have completed:

 1. renew some library books. i’m planning to keep this digital photography handbook for as long as i am in richmond.                                                                                                              

2.  reserve new set of books: now this needed some research. after careful selection via reading through different sites that would contribute to my decision making, the following books were reserved:

a brief history of time, stephen hawking. why? OK, out of childhood nostalgia, i borrowed this michael crichton book a few weeks ago which turned out to be  super uber-crappy. it was a science fiction thriller on quantum physics and multiverse. i read through half before i threw the book under my bed, the official location of things i don’t want to see. Francis then suggested i read hawking’s book if i really like to get into “such things”. so i’m borrowing it. understanding it would be another battle.

blink, malcom gladwell. i was initially looking for why we buy: the science of shopping which was in powerbook’s must read site. it was out in circulation. i remembered i haven’t read the other gladwell book which was more popular than tipping point.  actually, i have read at least 1/4 of blink a year ago. i was waiting for Francis at glorietta and to kill time, i went inside powerbooks, chance upon this book and read through it while standing up. i remember being so engrossed by it that i haven’t even noticed that at least an hour has passed and i should be totally pissed off by now for waiting (which i have always hated).  i remember his surprised look as i smile at him when he appeared by the book shelf i was leaning at.

magical thinking, augusten burroughs – we always have to try something new right? plus i am interested with his narration since the book description mentioned that he writes about his life. i have been reading a lot of blogs lately, getting this book may be a good way for me to not reach for this laptop every time i feel bored. the last time i read a collection of first-person narratives was when i got Nick Hornby’s anthology speaking with the angel which i really loved. so i am assuming i will adore this book.

i should have borrowed more but i can’t think of anything else to read. i was looking for a nigella lawson book since i promised myself i will read something about food every month; a promised i made after enjoying Mireille’s why french women don’t get fat and kitchen confidential by anthony bourdaine. unfortunately, they didn’t have nigella’s book. haayy

3.  borrowed Francis’ books: which were cookbooks on authentic Spanish cooking and Culinary Institute of America’s Food & Wine series. You see, he bought these red wines from the market last week. we were there for about 45 minutes, i was doing the shopping while he stayed by the wine section carefully analyzing what to buy. so now he wants to be a wine connoisseur. i just let him be.

also i had to borrow cd’s of his classical music (which i hope someday i will appreciate as much as he does) whose titles i can’t even pronounce.

4. checked bank sites for semi-important bank duties.

5. completed my daily net habit of: a) check gmail, b) check flickr, c) check this site, d) check multiply, e) check yahoomail, f) check some blogroll, *g) loiter around and click anywhere plus all the necessary counter-reactions after doing a) to g).

*g) was really the deal-breaker here – this was probably 5-6 hours of the 8 hours i was online today…

6. complete another post in wordpress.

ngapala, sad to say, i have completed the narnian novels. i didn’t want to read the last battle for the longest time because i knew it will feel this way, as if something in me has ended. it was the same dreadful,yet beautiful, but still dreadful feeling i had when i watched LOTR:Return of the King. haaayy. as much as c.s. lewis’ last phrase in the book was that Narnia will live forever, it just doesn’t feel like that.

so … no gym today, no walk in the park with my S3, no running off to do some errands. actually, my white board list extended to more important stuff like: (1) calling Tony Clark to confirm my Nov hospital bill check payment, (2) editing my resume for the review of aussie migration officers, (3) complete our itinerary for las vegas … all of which could have been completed today if only i wasn’t in my slacker mode. kasalanan ni Francis ‘to eh, hindi kse sya pumasok. he had to stay here all day doing these review papers of semi-conductor physics i will never (and will never try to) understand. kaya yun…

excuses.

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getting into the nerves of a dark lord

November 10, 2006 Leave a comment

yes i read Harry Potter, and when i do i refrain from doing anything else until i finish a book. it seems that it will be awhile until book 7 comes out, reading through jk’s site this morning, she says she’s not even close to finishing it and is troubled by rubbish writing most of the time. i doubt it’s rubbish – but if she says so – why contest?

also read through mugglenet.com to look for the popular post “101 Ways to Annoy, Harass, Confuse or Generally Scare Lord Voldemort”. this really made me laugh out loud (which may have scared our chinese roomies). if you like reading harry potter beyond j.k’s books, go to mugglenet and type the title in their search box.
and as much as #’1 to 101 either made me smirk, smile and/or laugh by myself – my favorite entry was: “#11. If you ever need to say ‘Like taking candy from a baby’, be sure to add ‘Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.’ Stare pointedly at him.”

=p

on another fan website, the writers of DumbledoreIsNotDead.com seem to have reached a dead end in their crusade. i was an advocate of their cause from day1 and was relieved to find out there were people like me hoping that Dumbledore will pull-out a Gandalf by book7. i don’t care if the concept is too adaptive of Tolkien – I DO NOT WANT DUMBLEDORE DEAD! but in a recent interview of rowling (dated August 2006), a kid asked her straight-out if our beloved wizard is still alive – and she answered: “i’m sorry”. read entire story here.

sad i know. better read the rowling interview first before the 101 ways to annoy voldemort. that way you end up feeling cheerful – in a crookedly sinister kind of way.

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another leaf shot

November 10, 2006 Leave a comment

i have promised myself weeks ago that i will refrain from pointing my lovely lens at another tree to create a bokeh shot of another leaf. i’m sorry, i can’t help it. i was born and raised for the past 27 years of earthly existence in a tropical country – where FALL simply means the act of giving-in to gravity’s power. every time i take my camera out for a walk, this season never fails to amaze me. a few months ago, i was capturing foliage shots in deep oranges and red. but now that winter is a few weeks away, the colors has changed to light yellows and dark browns. how i wish Filipinos could also experience Fall. but if i had a choice between breath-taking beaches and fall foliage? well, i’m a confessed beach bum – so thank god for travels.

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