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i smell smoke…

it started last week. initially, i thought it was just the book i was reading. and it wasn’t smoke but the smell of newsprint that was irritating me. but a few days after and i was done reading that book, it was still there. a lingering sensation of someone smoking a few feet away from me during random moments. as if i should stand-up, walk towards their general direction and light a stick with them.

at that point i realized – this is hallucination. i asked Francis if he could smell it, knowing his keen sense of knowing i smoked when i have pledged that i quit the habit years ago, he can’t. so… this is all in my head ‘ey. my first chronic paranoia.

there could be simple explanations really. the vents. the room next to ours are occupied by a bunch  of 18 year-olds Chinese-American university students who seem to think that playing PS2 whole day could help them get through college. it really won’t be a stretch of character to find out that they smoke, in packs, and the smoke goes through the vent which leads to an exhaust strategically placed by the lower bunk of my bed.

or a psychosomatic explanation: i miss smoking. the other night i dreamed that i was with my handy Winton’s, smoking a stick with a good friend. it was a good dream. i  could even remember the feel of smoke as it passed through my throat as i write this line.

and of course there is my ever-reliable make believe friend – FATES. maybe, she’s sharing with me a glimpse of what’s to come. that there will be a fire accident in the building? that someone i know is suffering in a fire accident? that despite my daily fear of my God (for i can’t seem to drag my carcass of a body to mass every Sunday’s) which i compensate by hosing down all ill-thoughts which my evil mind generates without breaking a sweat, i’ll still end up in HELL eventually?

can never can tell ‘ey?

well, i’m not smelling the smoke now. i haven’t since i started writing this post. so maybe, just like some things in life, it just needs an affirmation of presence. and once its identity has been notified, it gets tucked down with all the other psyches and is only aired-out fresh prior to use once deemed necessary.

the maybe’s.

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